Ok...here it is. I haven't told anyone yet (especially my parents)....no real reason, other than that I'm not sure how to do it. Ben is not in school anymore. There. I said it. I'm sorry, Mom and Dad, that you have read it here. Really. I'm sorry.
I'm having a hard time adjusting to being Mom to an adult child....because really, that's what he is now....an adult. He will get a better job and earn some more money and the 'plan' is to figure a few things out and go back to school. But...we all know how 'plans' sometimes end up. I'm not mad, really....but I am disappointed.....in addition to lots of other emotions. I don't want to talk about it, either. I feel like somehow I have failed...I tease Wyatt all the time that I have failed him as a mother....always over silly stuff...like getting the wrong thing at the grocery store, or forgetting that he has to wear khaki pants on game day. But this feeling is more than that. I find myself wondering what I could have done better or differently. Ben has learned some very hard life lessons in the past 5 or so years. He has learned things and been through things that I never have. Anyway, the bottom line is...he is not in school. And, at this point, I don't know if he will go back....and there's not much that I can do about it. He has made an adult decision and will have to live with it. I hope that the reality of it all will sink in and make him want to go back to school.
*Mom and Dad...I really am sorry that you're reading this here. I'm not ready to talk about it yet, either...so please respect that. I have told Ben that it's not my job to tell anyone about this...it's his.... but I know you will ask me about it...so here it is. I know that I will talk about it, in time...just not now. There are lots of other things to talk about. I know that you know the feelings that I'm having....you had them to 20+ years ago. I'm sorry for that, too.
Today I'm thankful for: an awesome basketball game yesterday, this blog, and coupons.
1 comment:
Pig... YOU are amazing, you always have been! We all have the same feelings and I have found one of the toughest realizations is .... our kids are there own people - we give our best to them and they have to do the rest - and then, we do what we do as parents - LOVE THEM NO MATTER WHAT!! YOUR a wonderful Mother,Friend, Daughter, Wife and anything else that you are - YOU always give yourself 150% Our journeys may not have been the same as our kids although I do remember thinking our parents did not have a clue of what was going on :) and years later, we learned ... if we could have just listened (but who knew) Hold your head high my dear friend - YOU ARE wonderful and so is your very independant family ~
The Perfect Family....WHERE???
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